he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
