Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
