Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
