when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
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