explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
