she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize