I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
