When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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