One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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