I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Randomize
