note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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