why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
