last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
