I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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