i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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