just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
