Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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