I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
