worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
