If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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