Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
