i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize