thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
