dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
