I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
