he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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