she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
