i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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