i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize