last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
