I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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