his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Randomize
