it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
a search helicopter?!
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
