Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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