before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
