Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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