Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Randomize
