i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
