i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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