my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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