Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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