My liver just broke up with me...
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
