i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
