We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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