I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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