Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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