I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
