so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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