I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
