you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
