...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
They have beer where we have blood.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize