so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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