i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize