I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
