there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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