Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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