Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We are two peas in an std pod
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
