Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
