Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
