I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
