Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
