Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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