The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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