Having a random hookup so left but love u
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
