i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
