i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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