Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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