you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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