I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize