He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
