dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
